Final Fantasy 7 Characters sing Family Guy songs
by Vampire Turk
Summary: As the title says. **All Family Guy songs are c creator Seth MacFarlane & FF7 characters c Square-Enix.
1. Reno and Kadaj are Too Awfully Different

Cast of Characters:

RENO - Stewie  
KADAJ - Brian__

* * *

  
KADAJ: No! I am not doing this ! Not with him  
RENO: *grins* This is your own fault for getting drunk, Kadaj  
KADAJ: *glares at RENO* Shut up - you're one to talk . . .

_CLOUD: Kadaj, just sing the song  
KADAJ: *flailing arms* No, no, no, no, no!!  
RENO: *points to KADAJ* Why the remnant ?!  
RUFUS: *crosses arms* Reno . . .  
RENO: *groans* Fi-i-i-i-ne , I'll do it_

Both: *throw dark glares at each other*  
You and I are  
So awfully different  
Too awfully different  
To ever be pals

RENO:  
Do you want to go first?

KADAJ:  
Yeah I'll go  
Your favorite hero is the Marquee de Sad

RENO:  
Oh you're one to talk,  
You get a stiffy from Phylicia Rashad

KADAJ: *O.o *  
Oh one time

RENO:  
I've a style flair, just look at my hip hair

KADAJ:  
Oh yeah, that's quite a nice do there

RENO:  
Oh thanks

KADAJ:  
FOR ME TO POOP ON

RENO: *blinks*  
What?

KADAJ:  
Oh come on you look like Charlie brown

RENO: *sticks out tongue*  
Bite me snoopy

Both:  
There's not,  
A whole lot,  
That we've got  
To agree on

KADAJ:  
'Cause I like the strains of a classical score  
RENO:  
And I like that singer who looks like a whore

KADAJ:  
Ricky Martin?

RENO:  
Luv' 'em.

Both:  
Were too different to ever be pals  
You and I are  
(YAZOO and LOZ: doo doo doop)  
So awfully different  
(YAZOO and LOZ: doo doo doop)  
Too awfully different  
(YAZOO and LOZ: doo doo doop)  
To ever be palls  
(YAZOO and LOZ: doo doo doo doo doo doo dooyadoo doop)

KADAJ:  
Your head's as massive as a meteorite  
RENO:  
Oh very funny,  
You have a weenie like a Christmas tree light  
_* RUFUS and CLOUD are cracking up hysterically*_  
KADAJ: *elbows RENO*  
I'd bet money  
You'll marry a honey  
Who's pretty and funny  
And her name will be Ted

RENO: *rolls eyes*  
Oh a gay joke

KADAJ: *shrugs*  
I just work with what you give me

Both:  
You might think we're N*SYNC, but we stink! As a duo...

KADAJ:  
Because you get a kick out of carnage and guts

RENO:  
And you get a kick out of stroking your-

KADAJ:  
Whoa, whoa, you can't say that on T.V.

RENO:  
What ego?

KADAJ:  
Nevermind

Both:  
We're too different to ever be pals!


	2. Complaints about the FCC

Cast of Characters:

CLOUD - Peter Griffin  
KADAJ - Brian  
RENO - Stewie

_

* * *

  
CLOUD, KADAJ, and RENO are sitting in the same room, minding their own business.  
KADAJ is leaning against RENO while they share a spot on the couch*_

_TIFA: *walks in holding envelope*  
what's this, Cloud ?  
*reads envelope* FCC ?_

_RENO and KADAJ: *glance at each other, then at CLOUD*_

_CLOUD: * crosses arms*  
Oh yeah, I know all about the FCC . . ._

CLOUD: *shakes head*  
They will clean up all your talking in a manner such as this

KADAJ:  
They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a piss

RENO: *shrugs*  
And they'll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss

CLOUD, KADAJ, & RENO:  
It's the plain situation!  
There's no negotiation!

CLOUD: With the fellas at the freakin FCC!

KADAJ: *gets up taking envelope*  
They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of the special interest groups…

CLOUD: *gently pushes RENO towards TIFA*  
Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops

RENO: *frowns, then shrugs*  
Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops!

CLOUD, KADAJ, & RENO:  
Take a tip, take a lesson!  
You'll never win by messin'  
CLOUD:  
With the fellas at the freakin' FCC

_*RENO curls arm around TIFA*_  
And if you find yourself with some you sexy thing

_*RENO grins, brushing her cheek*_  
You're gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling

_*TIFA scowls, punching RENO in the nose*_  
Cause you can't say penis!

So they sent this little warning they're prepared to do the worst

KADAJ: *jams envelope in mailbox*  
And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be co-erced

RENO: *holding bloody nose*  
I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first!

CLOUD, KADAJ, & RENO:  
They may just be neurotic  
Or possible psychotic  
They're the fellas at the freakin FCC!


	3. The Turks are EdgeBound

Cast of Characters:

RUFUS SHINRA - Stewie  
RENO - Brian

_

* * *

RENO:  
Umm, Taishou ? . . . there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's not easy for me to say_

_RUFUS: *groans*  
Oh god, you're not coming out the closet, are you?  
*covers face in hands* Why does everyone come out to me?!_

_RENO: *pats RUFUS' shoulder*  
I just want to thank you for everything you did today.  
I know this whole trip has been a mess_

_RUFUS: *considers the comment*  
Well, it hasn't been all bad.  
I must admit there have been some moments that were . . . dare I say, fun ?_

Both:  
We're off on the road to Rhode Island  
We're having the time of our lives.

RUFUS:  
Take it dog...

RENO: *hangs over RUFUS' shoulders*  
We're quite a pair of partners,  
Just Like Thelma and Louise.  
'cept you're not six feet tall

RUFUS:  
Yes, and your breasts don't reach your knees.

RENO: *maybe for you*  
Give it time

Both:  
We're off on the road to Rhode Island,  
We're certainly going in style.

RENO: *rolls eyes*  
I'm with an intellectual, who craps inside his pants.  
RUFUS: *steel glare*  
How dare you. At least I don't leave urine stains on all the household plants.  
RENO: *'oh, that's really mature, boss'*  
Oh, pee jokes

Both:  
We've traveled a bit and we've found,  
Like a masochist in Newport we're Rhode Island bound.

RENO: *elbows RUFUS*  
Crazy travel conditions, huh?  
RUFUS: *nods*  
First class or no class  
RENO:  
Whoa, careful with that joke, it's an antique

Both:  
We're off on the road to Rhode Island  
We're not going to stop till we're there

RENO: *pulls out empty flask*  
Maybe for a beer.

RENO:  
Whatever dangers we may face, we'll never fear or cry

RUFUS:  
That's right, until we're syndicated Fox will never let us die.  
(Please!)

Both:  
We're off on the road to Rhode Island,  
The home of that old campus swing.

RENO:  
We may pick up some college girls, and picnic on the grass.  
RUFUS:*cups hand to side of face*  
We'd tell you more, but we'd have the censors on our ass.  
RENO: *stares at RUFUS*  
Yikes!

Both:  
We certainly do get around.  
Like a bunch of renegade pilgrims  
Who are thrown out of Plymouth colony.  
We're Rhode Island bound.

Or like a group of college freshmen  
who were rejected by Harvard and forced to go to Brown!

We're Rhode Island Bound..


	4. Reno on a drunken powertrip

Cast of Characters:

RENO - Peter Griffin

* * *

  
RENO: *ambles across a lawn that has the sign "Do Not Walk" and drops a candy wrapper*

ZACK: *points*  
Hey that's against the Law! You're coming with me!

RENO: *drunkenly grins*  
Nuh uh uh! Can't Touch Me!  
Can't Touch Me!

*starts to dance along with the music*  
Ju - Ju - Ju - Ju - Just like the bad guys in Lethal Weapon 2,  
I got Diplomatic Immunity. So, Hammer, You can't sue.

*holding a spraypaint can*  
I can write graffiti, even jay-walk in the street.  
I can right-a-loop, not give a hoot, and *points to Elena* touch your sister's teat.

_ELENA: O.o *scowls crossing her arms* _  
Can't Touch Me!

RENO:  
Can't Touch Me!

_CLOUD: *gawks* -_O  
What in Shiva's name is he doing?_

RENO:  
Can't Touch Me!

_RUDE: -_-;;  
I believe that's the worm. . . _

RENO: Stop! Peter Time!

I'm a big shot! There's no doubt!  
Light a fire, then pee it out!  
Don't like it? Kiss my rump!  
Just for a minute, let's all do the bump!

Can't touch me!  
Yeah! Do the Peter Griffin Bumb!  
Can't touch me!

*imitating RUFUS*  
I'm presidential Shinra!  
Interns think I'm hot!  
Don't care if your handicap,  
I'll still park in your spot!

_TSENG: *balancing on crutches* -_-;;  
Sir, I think you should see this . . . *points to RENO*_

I've been around the world!  
From Harvert to Backbay!  
It's Peter! Go Peter! I'm so Peter! Yo, Peter!  
Lets see Regis rap this way!  
Can't touch me!

RUFUS: *rolls eyes, throwing a bottle at RENO's head*

RENO: *falls face-first*  
*looks up seeing ELENA*  
Except for you - you can touch me

_ELENA: *glares, punching RENO in the face*  
RUDE: *to RUFUS*  
Told you this was a bad idea . . ._


End file.
